So I am facing the challenge of TRANSITIONs. Oh dear. I hate change, however everything changes all the time, we never notice it but life is always changing. I have the choice to fight this change or allow it to happen. CHOICE made play make believe haha. Just kidding, choice made allow the change and continue to TRUST God, with both my hands open and of course dreaming along the way. Today's dream is simple. I want to live in these igloos with my family and friends. Only for a week. I hate being cold, so all we'll want to do is be cozy and warm inside them. We'll have lots of blankets and you always have to snug with someone and then... when I feel like facing my fear of the day, I'll venture outside with my loved ones and play in the snow, until I am cold where we'll go inside again and have warm drinks and tell stories and laugh.
So it was monday. The perfect autumn day rather, I like mondays at this point in my life maybe I won't forever but I do right now. Point is I love mondays, I loved this monday. It was my day, it was sunny, and bright and warm. Not Indian summer warm but warm enough to make my heart warm and the sun shined through the yellowish red trees in a way that took my heart dancing! However I was more anxious than I had ever been on this day, to the point my heart hurt, to many emotions for one day. A warm but hurting heart. Strange I know. I prayed a lot in this day. So I saw the sun, felt the warmth, had a heart that danced between anxiety and warmth or maybe was warmed by the anxiety. (haha) OK so I took some pictures and as I drove along the twisty roads of New England, I saw so many pictures I wanted to stop and take. However, I had to babysit! My plan was to take them on my way home. However, when I went to take them, sadly the sun had set and those pictures were not there. ANXIETY!!!!! SADNESS!!!!! I had to stop and be a sad little girl saying to myself how could I miss out. Then my Papa-daddy God reminded me that I will not miss out on taking the pictures, he wants because, he is the light that lights them. So please stop being anxious your getting the perfect light for the perfect picture, just let him light it for you.
Do not be anxious about anything for my peace I will guard your heart and mind (Phil 4:6-7). I love you perfectly. Do not be afraid...for that fear shows me that you are not fully convinced that I really love you (1 John 4:18) Do not allow your heart to be troubled for I have overcome the world on your behalf (John 14:27). I will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is fixed on me because you trust me (Isaiah 26:3).
One of my favorite parts of bean town living is getting to play with my little mini me! Tonight we played dress up, danced it out and read children's stories. It was a perfect night. She even told me I was beautiful :)
A lot travels in the air... Airplanes, helicopters, hot air balloons, space ships and my kite, it was 99 cents, it has bugs on it... and I flew it yesterday while wearing leopard print tights and a button up jumper, with a side pony tail. It flew high in air as I dreamed of watching Braveheart, buying a game system for my apartment so we can play rock band and crafting a new creation... and am twenty-one. What is in an age... nothing. I mean I do have a budget on excel because I bought a new mac a few weeks ago and am having a love affair with him... even named him George... so when I am in a latino mood I can call him JORGE! But I do have a car payment, I am a senior in College which means time to make big decisions, my friends are getting married, my uncle Matthew and aunt Julia, who are in there late twenties each will have three children by the end of 2010... However when I play in the fall winds with my kite in the middle of my college campus... and when I feel the wind as I walk down the historic streets of bean town to get to a little cafe called 939. Where I listened to songs that made my little asian eyes fill with water as they brought beauty through the air saying things like,
"But there's compassion that holds no words It holds no words"
"White is not surrender Despite what you've been told; It's clouds of hope"
"For his goodness is what won me over yes my legionnaires the kindest soldier"
"And ask for the things you lack in heart And you can begin a clean new start Oh to be of the purest of pure in his arms" .
It's in this air that I feel free... I feel love. I feel like me.
"Adventures do occur, but not punctually." - E.M. Forster, A Passage to India, Ch. 3
I read the book A Passage to India about four years ago almost which is crazy... When I was a senior in High school and am now a senior in college, time moves so quickly. I loved that book, I remember reading it and not being able to put it down, why because it took me on an adventure to a foreign land. I went to a foreign land the other day and it was an adventure and it was not punctual nor planned and when it happened that quote read in my head along with a few other thoughts that well your going to hear about...
So I was in Albany meeting up with my dear friend Ethan. You know a typical day of laughter but there was this moment I will never forget. I was flying my new 1 dollar kite in the park, just relaxing, loving life on a hot summer day. When all the sudden I was not in Albany NY anymore. Rather I was in Afghanistan! No for those of you who know me I was not playing make believe, however I met these beautiful Afghanistan refugees! They drew my attention the first time I passed them because they were speaking some foreign tongue and wearing there beautiful long Sariis, scarfs and had beautiful dark skin. There were probably fifteen of them, more girls than boys all around the age of ten (and up). At first glance, I noticed there clothes, and how the little boys could wear jean shorts and t-shirts, while the girls were in there long sleeves and pants and scarfs. For the first time ever in my life, I loved it. I wanted to look like them. I began to be angry at myself for what I was wearing, which was a tank top and pants. I wanted there purity, yes, cultural beauty is different but how could they be so perfect? they were so beautiful, they were so covered. I love gender studies and I know that this is not equality but what is it really, a power struggle. Beauty carries so much power and those little women at age twelve carried more power than the guns that at one time held them captive. So we asked them if we could play kick ball with them, they said yes and instantly the game turned into boys verses girls. I introduce myself to the girls shaking hands like an American but they loved it. We played... it was pure bliss, it was pure adventure. Listening to them speak in there arabic tongue, I felt like I left the United States and went to there land. I asked one of the girls how long she had been in the states, she replied 10 weeks. My heart leaped.. feeling the struggle, feeling the change, feeling the everything. I asked her what her favorite part about being here was, she said "no fighting". I couldn't help but think of all the wars that go on inside my head, or just my struggle and put it in line with hers. Time stood still as I talked with this twelve year old. I could see her finally being set free, finally finding refuge. My mind spin stopped when, I heard yelling in the background, because the boys were cheating. TYPICAL even if your foreign. So I rallied the girls and gave them some speech about living peacefully even though they are boys. The joy that these little beings had was ridiculous. The culture that they carried, I wanted it. This little encounter brought me to a far away land. It was adventure, it occurred and was not punctual.
Ebersole photography S+B just running after the acorn!
above is one of my favorite picture of us..(thanks to the boys there are many). Why this picture because we're all resting and at peace... (venture photography)
This is the night we met Sara, ovi our prayers worked haha no serious love this one wongy!
Surface image we're just girls... real self BANCHEE!
This is Wong and I, being asian...
This is above moment in our history that all should know about... Sara was being adventurous and jump over Stef all for Ebersole photography... but lost her balance and almost pulled her hair out! Good thing Stef has good Indian and Chinese hair...
So I have a lotta friends all over the world and Jesus knows I need them... but I need to tell you about my sisters in bean town... You see their new and well it's been an intense couple of months. I met my lovely Stefanie WONG probably three years ago but being from a one stop light town with the name of CHURCHVILLE... the inner city girl with a loud mouth and purple hair probably was not on my radar... nonetheless Jesus had plans this year. Stefanie being the world changer that she is... started a prayer group on campus that soon became a family and also turned into a campus wide prayer and fast... oh Jesus.... I knew.... Stef and I were gonna be deep fast, when one of our first real talks left me shaking in my boots.. She asked me "Are you going to choose boys or changing the world"? that was it... we were in this for the long hall. The best part is we're learning what real relationship looks like with the most relational being out there.... JESUS... He speaks to us though his holy spirit and a slice of Sociology to keep our woman/feminist minds thinking and some serious fun and did I say attitude?! I love a lot of things about Stef, but my favorite is she's real and reminds me to be human... We also call each other Jackie Chan (me) and Bruce Lee... she's half chinese, truly my sister. Stef is going to changes the world... by changing what's around her.... She also is going to change what it means for freedom and justice I mean she's basically the women version of Martin Luther King Junior Sara.... the other little chicky... Sara was a total miracle meeting... We met at a JHOP prayer meeting where we saw something in each other, had a mutual friend and ZANG... She's wonderful. She is a little older than Stef and I. So she's wiser, she tells me so many things that I cannot even begin to explain but a lot of times what Sara tells me isn't by her words but by her actions. Sara is one of the most faithful people I know. I was ill at the beginning of the summer. Stuck on the couch inside for over three days. She drove forty-five minutes just to sit with me and listen to me cough my lungs out, I mean we did watch a movie! After the hour and a half of barking cough, she said "we're going" and took my sorry behind to the doctors... Yep she's awesome. I knew at that point, this was serious... haha. She teaches me though her actions because when I get all squirmy/ demanding of an answer to my verbal process. She says WAIT... I am processing and then with wisdom speaks. Sara also came to my home town, Rochester NY, where she met my entire family and all my friends. She even almost got deported, my poor brazilian. So Sara loves me, because she wanted to dis-own me when I almost sent her back to Brazil by taking her to Canada on accident but we made it, our friendship is real. Stef, Sara and I love to think, RELAX, pray and well they put up with me. Oh did I mention they love eachother too?! We're quite a three. So the picture at the top of this blogation is to show that our relationships are like that. Where we almost pull each others hair out, say offending things to one another, almost deport one another (wait maybe that was just me) but we love one another deeply. To the point that we have to tell each other things like I was told after seeing the movie 500 days of Summer, "b, we're in this for the long hall. No matter if it takes you five hundred years we got you. We're going to see you through. We're gonna tell you when your being stttttttttupid and we're gonna love you even if you are." These are my world changers... changing my life and chasing after the ONE who changes the world around us.
Well it's the middle of the summer or close to it and I must say it's been a beautiful one. I don't blog... started to once and never continued however everyday something happens and I say to myself... "b you should blog", why because I am writing to cyberspace world... where if you have the urge to actual care about this... then your in for a story!
So... I am mine, I will not pine... seek the divine. That was today. You see there is this song by one of my FAVORITEST artists, her name is Brooke Waggnoer... goes like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICDBrORCeG4... check it out.
Anyway I love the song, I love a lot of songs but this one has been played by my heart these days. Listen to those words I feel them constantly. I felt them all day...
My day began with little children this is typical of my summer. I hear them run and scream all morning, thankfully I had the morning off. (don't worry you'll probably hear more stories of the rugrats.) So my day began and the song played in my heart. One of my favorite things to do these days is take myself on dates... "I am mine"!!!!! So I first took myself out to coffee a usual ritual. Where I sat with my bible and journal. I watched beautiful people all around me. These wonderful asian girls were having tea, something to know I take a lot of note when I see people of my race, why cause well we're rare and awesome... (more on that later) Anyway coffee was good read the verse "You do not support the root, but the root supports you." Romans 11:18 and then proceeded to BIO class oh yippy... not, but like I said "I am mine". So going to community college with people, at summer school, in a state I have never lived in, makes for a lot of fun for me. You see I love people and well I had forgotten what it's like to meet new ones in an educational setting (going to the little Christan school I go to, the bubble is small). So "I am mine" by making a fool out of myself during lab, telling my 18 year old lab partner that, so much will happen to her in the next few years hahaha and then being the mature one... proceeding to laugh at myself as I play make believe being a scientist in my head. hahaha (i don't tell her that but she still asks why i laugh) Anyway after Bio I took myself out to eat. Yup wanted to go to Applebees, I like myself so... it was date time. This time me and my journal. I think the waitress throught I was so weird, nontheless I saw another elderly woman sitting by herself and could not help but think a million thoughts. Yes I want to get married hence the part in the song... I will not pine but like I said, I was thinking. I thought to myself, I am just practicing for those days, I mean I hope I go before the spouse but maybe I won't... and then I will be "I am mine..." I mean we are never our own but... ok to deep...hahaha. So tipped the waitress and proceeded to shop for a wedding shower gift. First time ever holding one of those regirstries in my hands, by myself without my lovely mother. It was so strange but so fun. I looked all around... and thought about where my life is and maybe pined.... for one minute but then realized... this part of the song "I am behind I am behind And nevermind" So this is where the seek the divine part comes in. (my own little add to the song) Ok so walking through the mall, now with a friend but I feel some one behind us, as we come out of pottery barn. We go into the Gap, just trying on clothes and then my friend decides to stay in the store while I go to the next store. Leaving my dear friend and feeling the presents of a someone again but heading back to the pottery barn... about to enter and this woman comes up to me. She tells me I have a wonderful "ora" about me and says all this other stuff about my presents that I carry, she wants to do a reading for me and that she never does this. I freak and say no thanks... and saying bless you and she says from "your god to mine". I was freaked. In pottery barn with all the other middle class women, stressing over what new candle holder to buy and she was STILL outside. I felt peace, I carry Jesus, so I win. Went out and started to talk to her... you know the normal throwing around words like holy spirit, Jesus, the bible, ect. We were agreeing but man her spiritual trip was making her all wacky and she prosisted she wanted to read for me (read meaning tarro cards). Reminded of my morning coffee verse "the root supports me".. So I grabbed her arm, prayed for her and when I was done. She goes "You have something I don't", I say yes it's Jesus and ask if she wants to talk about it and she says no and walks away. Well that's is my divine, he is loving, strong and always wins. He totally supported me and I got to be his wing woman in todays new age encounter in front of Pottery Barn. If only the other candle buyers knew...
Honesty, I get scared... I mean even afterward I was still shaking for a good hour... What is it with this New Age stuff. It's like operation teach B-lin about New Age, but I say yes. I say yes to living my life in seeking the divine during the nevermind and beyond even when I am a wrinkly old Asian woman who takes herself out to dinner. Because there is never need to pine for Jesus because he's right here with me.
I like to see Jesus in ridiculous ways. I believe in simple things and am learning to love as simply as I can. I often times "squirm" as my best friend Heidi likes to tell me but am learning it's a process..
